EBW Episode 13, Part 3 +PPV+

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or series.

Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling: Episode thirteen.

Pay-Per-View Special: Session 13!

The camera fades back into the backstage area.  Osaka stands at the vending machine, the HoJ title around her waist, and stares vacantly at it.  Ryoko stands behind it, looking angry.

Konata: Welcome back to "Session 13" on Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling.  Only half way through the show, and already I'm feeling amped up.  Maybe I shouldn't have had that Four Loko... just kidding.  I'd never put that crap in my body, and I've eaten Kentucky Fried Chicken food before.  They're huge in Japan.

Ryoko: Hurry up and pick something already!  My match is in a few seconds!  And now that Ukyo's reinstated the ban on alcohol being sold during the show...

Osaka: But it all looks so good!  Except the soda... I don't handle carbonation well.

As Ayeka and the Devil Lady emerge from the right hallway, Ryoko nudges Osaka aside and reaches into her own pocket.  She pulls out a handful of her own yen, puts it in the machine, and selects a milk tea.  As soon as it's poured, Ryoko grabs the cup and hands it to Osaka, who takes it with a smile.

Ryoko: You always stand in front of that machine, and you always take forever before ordering the same milk tea you always do.  Just take it and go.  My match is...

Suddenly, Ryoko's theme music hits.  She rolls her eyes in annoyance as she watches Ayeka and the Devil Lady look over at her.  Ryoko grabs the milk tea back out of Osaka's hands, drinks it all in one gulp and crushes the cup in one hand, tossing it at Ayeka's feet.

Ryoko: See you in the ring, bitch.

Ryoko starts to exit the backstage area, but stops after a few steps and sighs.

Ryoko: That would have been a lot more dramatic if it was a bottle of sake.

Ayeka: I suppose so, yes.

Ryoko sighs as she leaves the backstage area, making her entrance.  After several seconds, Ayeka's theme plays, and she disappears through the entrance curtain.  The Devil Lady starts to follow her, but slowly looks over at Osaka.

Devil Lady: Hey... you're going to have to have eyes in the back of your head tonight.  Just saying.

Osaka: Eyes in the back of my head?

The Devil Lady disappears through the entrance curtain as Osaka looks as far left as she can... apparently, she's trying to look around and see if she has eyes in the back of her head.  She turns her head, then starts spinning around, apparently trying to look behind her own head.  The camera cuts to the ring, where Ayeka and the Devil Lady are standing beside the ring, looking at Ryoko in the ring, who's gesturing and motioning for them to come at her.

Konata: It doesn't get more dramatic than this.  Well, it would, if Princess Ayeka wasn't using Jun Fudou as a buffer between her and losing.  One of our two main events here at "Session 13", it's a Grudge Match, as Ryoko takes on both her most hated rival Princess Ayeka and the Devil Lady.  And of course, since it's a Grudge Match, it's gotta be hardcore!

---

The color and shape of the match took form early on, as Princess Ayeka simply stood by ringside as the Devil Lady rolled into the ring.  This sat just fine with Ryoko, who launched into Jun Fudou with a flurry of punches.  Nothing seemed to faze the giant beast, however, and the Devil Lady simply shot a powerful hand out, grabbing Ryoko by the neck.  She lifted up and slammed Ryoko to the mat back-first, laying her out with a powerful Chokeslam.  The Devil Lady glared down as Princess Ayeka started sliding a few weapons into the ring... a few steel chairs, a couple of unfolded wooden tables, and a length of thick steel chain.  But the Devil Lady seemingly ignored these, preferring to damage Ryoko with brute strength alone.

The Devil Lady grabbed Ryoko by the hair and pulled her to her feet, but Ryoko was able to launch a few good kicks to the Devil Lady's gut... not enough to knock her down, but enough to force her to let go.  Ryoko grabbed the length of steel chain and wrapped it around her arm, and while Ayeka screamed in anger, Ryoko launched forward and nailed the Devil Lady in the face with her chain-wrapped forearm.  It was still only enough to drop the Devil Lady to her knees, however.  Ryoko dropped the chain as Ayeka pulled both of the tables out of the ring, just in case.  Ryoko grabbed one of the steel chairs and lifted up, ready to strike.  But the Devil Lady wrapped her powerful arms around Ryoko and stood up, lifting Ryoko and crushing her with a powerful Bearhug.

Ayeka finally rolled into the ring and grabbed the length of steel chain, holding it like a whip.  With an angry scream, Ayeka whipped the trapped Ryoko in the back several times with the chain before the Devil Lady let go, letting Ryoko slump to the mat.  Directing traffic, Ayeka ordered the Devil Lady to go out of the ring and set up the tables on the outside.  As the Devil Lady rolled out of the ring, Ayeka pulled Ryoko to her feet by her hair and laughed her trademark cackle before she slapped Ryoko across the face with a Bitch Slap.  She slapped Ryoko again and again, trying to humiliate her old rival.  But she went for one too many, and Ryoko grabbed her hand, crushing it in her grip.  The Devil Lady rolled back into the ring, but it was too late... Ryoko had let go, punched Ayeka in the gut to double her over, turned around, locked her arm around the back of Ayeka's neck, and sat down forcefully, jacking Ayeka's jaw against Ryoko's shoulder with the Pirate Bitch Stunner!

Ryoko may have gotten revenge on her old nemesis, but there was still the Devil Lady to contend with.  The Devil Lady thrust out a massive kick, but Ryoko ducked, punched a stunned Jun Fudou in the gut, and nailed her with another Pirate Bitch Stunner.  Ryoko apparently knew the Devil Lady would wake up a lot faster than Ayeka, so she immediately went to work.  She rolled the Devil Lady out of the ring and set her up on onto one of the tables set up outside.  She grabbed the length of steel chain and wrapped it around the Devil Lady and the table before reaching underneath the ring.  She pulled out a large padlock and locked the chain, locking the Devil Lady to the table!  But Ryoko apparently wasn't done... she sat the second table on top of the first one as a groggy Ayeka rolled out of the ring and a furious Devil Lady woke up, trying to break free of the chains.  Ayeka pulled a small device out from underneath the ring, and as Ryoko ran towards her, Ayeka pulled the trigger... and several electrodes shot out and latched onto Ryoko's skin before electricity shot through her.  Ayeka had resorted to using a taser to take down her old rival.

Ayeka laughed as she electrocuted Ryoko for so long that the referee was forced to pull it out of her hand for safety's sake.  Ayeka rolled the fried Ryoko in the ring, pulled her over to the tables, and laid Ryoko on top of the top table on the outside.  With a sigh, Ayeka got onto the top turnbuckle and leapt off, doing a full forward somersault in the air before splashing into Ryoko.  Ayeka nailed her rival with a 450 Splash that send Ryoko through the top table, onto the chained Devil Lady, and sent all three of them through the bottom table!

Through the wreckage and carnage, Ayeka was on top of Ryoko who was on top of the Devil Lady.  And while none of the three of them were moving, the referee counted the three-count pin... although there seemed to be some confusion as to who actually won the match.

---

Konata: Wow.  That was as hardcore as hardcore gets.  I'm still kind of digesting it myself.  Ayeka may have gotten the last word, but proved how dirty and cheap she is in getting it.

The referee runs over to Konata's ringside announce table as Konata Izumi pulls her headset off.  She watches the monitor built into Konata's table, the two chat for a bit, and the referee grabs a microphone as Konata puts her announcer's headset back on.

Referee: To pin a person to win a match, both of that person's shoulders must be pinned to the ground.  While Ayeka may have been on top of Ryoko, Ryoko's shoulders weren't pinned to the ground because she was on top of the Devil Lady instead.  But Ryoko was on top of the Devil Lady, who was lying on the floor with her shoulders pinned to the floor.  Therefore, Ryoko has pinned the Devil Lady, and the winner of this match is Ryoko Habuki.

Konata: Not the most eloquent person out there, but that's the call.  They call it a pin for a reason... because you pin your opponent's shoulders to the mat.

A horrified Ayeka clutches her stomach as the referee tosses the microphone and raises a waking Ryoko's hand in victory.  A groggy Ryoko slowly opens her eyes, the referee tells her what happened, and a pained Ryoko starts laughing uncontrollably.  She gives Ayeka the finger as a swarm of EMTs come out to check on everyone, and a few ring crew members come out to clean away the debris, carrying a set of bolt cutters for the Devil Lady.

Konata: I hope the symbolism isn't lost on you guys.  Princess Ayeka's blind fury and rage over Ryoko's mere existence forces her to sacrifice everyone under her and cause everyone around her pain, and in the end, Ryoko still comes out on top through sheer guts.  In my opinion, this is when wrestling is at its best.  Whether it's chain wrestling or a spot fest, it's when it's not just the people who tell the story, but the match itself.  Eh... but what do I know?  I'm just a commentator.

Suddenly, Ayeka grabs a steel chair and starts nailing the still-chained Devil Lady with it.  She hits the Devil Lady several times before dropping the chair and grabbing the microphone.

Ayeka: You're fired!  You hear me, you furry freak of nature?  You're fired!  You're no supermodel!  You're nothing!  You're nothing but a worthless slab of muscle and fur that couldn't even beat a retarded schoolgirl!  The modeling contracts I set up, the photo shoots I put together, they're done.  You're gone!  Fired!  It's time you went back to being the damned hideous freak you really are!  And next time you try to kill yourself, you'd better damned well succeed, for all our sakes!

Ayeka's fury is suddenly cut off when Ukyo Kuonji emerges from the entrance curtain and makes her way down the ramp, giant spatula in one hand.  She storms down to the ringside area as the ring crew clear away the rest of the weapon remnants and a few EMTs guide a twitching Ryoko up the entrance ramp.  A referee hands Ukyo a microphone and she takes it with her free hand as she glares at Ayeka.

Ukyo: This is where I have to draw the line, Ayeka honey.  Now, as General Manager, I didn't want to have to involve myself in the affairs of the Heart of Japan division...

Ayeka: Now, hold on a minute.  It's the Heart of Jurai.  I know the EBW Arena is in Japan, but that title belt is made with pieces of an ancient sculpture that's been in the entrance hall of my family's private home for centuries.  It was recently shattered during an altercation between two royal guards, so I took the pieces and fashioned them into that belt.  Do you understand now?  It's not the Heart of Japan; it's the Heart of Jurai!  And it has to be under my control, it's my family's lineage, and to have anyone like that bitch Ryoko or that retard Osaka get anywhere near it is a horrible travesty!

Konata: Wow... the truth comes out.  I always thought it looked so much fancier than the Hardcore or Tag Team titles because it was our main title.  Kind of helps explain why Ayeka is so obsessed with it.

Ukyo: Well... that's a conversation for another time.  And we will definitely address it over the six-week break while Konata Izumi is in full charge of making sure "EBW Gaiden: Wild and Young" runs smoothly.  I'm taking about you ending people's careers after not just making one simple mistake, but simply because you don't like who they are or what they do, or you're saving more money for people only you trust in.  Or even in this case, because of your screw-ups.  The Devil Lady isn't the one who hit that 450 Splash into those tables, Ayeka honey.  And maybe Chiyo Mihama was too tiny and timid to stand up and fight against your tyranny... and I hate to use that word, but I call 'em like I see 'em... but I plan on taking hold of my responsibility.  I can't do anything about you firing the Devil Lady from the HoJ division... but if she's willing and able, I'd be more than happy to hire her to the Hardcore division.  What do you say, Jun honey?

The ring crew uses the bolt cutters to free the Devil Lady, who tosses the chains aside and gets to her feet.  She looks down at Ukyo, who smiles up at her, and nods slightly.

Ukyo: It's settled, then.  Jun Fudou, welcome to the Hardcore division.  Oh, and by the way... there is that rule about not being allowed to assault an official, such as myself, Ayeka or Konata outside of a normal match.  But if you're assaulted by an official... like you just were... you are allowed to... you know... defend yourself.

Ayeka looks in terror and tries to scramble away, but the Devil Lady reaches out and grabs her in a powerful Bearhug.  She swivels Ayeka upside-down and kneels down quickly, drilling Ayeka's head into the steel chains on the floor with the Beast Driver.  The Devil Lady lets Ayeka flop to the ground and lets out an unearthly scream.

Konata: Looks like the torture is over for the Devil Lady... for now.  And odds are Ayeka is gonna be in no shape to interfere in the main event.  Asuka is out of 'friends' to interfere, so it's going to be one-on-one, as it should be.  It's Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga vs. Asuka Langley Soryu in our "Session 13" main event for the Heart of... I guess it's the Heart of Jurai.  And that match is next; it's our main event after our final break!

A group of EMTs swarm in as the show goes to its final break.