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EBW Episode 23, Part 1

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Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling: Episode twenty-three.   A Sure Thing!

The camera fades in on Princess Ayeka's office, where Sailor Moon stands still, flanked by the Outer Senshi, wearing the Full Moon Title around her waist.  The five stand still as Princess Ayeka circles around them, seemingly deep in thought.

Ayeka: Prophecies and demands and titles... it's all coming to a head.  And tonight, we cut the head off of this little rebellion.  The Heart of Japan is dead.  That pathetic castoff Asuka Langley Soryu demands to slog around here, and even that traitor Sailor Saturn stands in defiance of my personal choice of who should lead Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling into its final days.  Of course, that bitch Ryoko has defied me from day one, but Osaka... seems I've underestimated Ayumu Kasuga in the past.  I'll never make that mistake again.  The only good thing is that we've disabled Lain Iwakura... she was injured during that whole cluster last week at the close of Ignition.  It was originally supposed to be all of the Inner Senshi against the women who have held the now-defunct Heart of Japan tonight, but with Lain Iwakura injured, Lina Inverse volunteered to take her place.  So the five of you will take on Asuka, Lina, Osaka, Ryoko and Saturn tonight.  With the problems they've been having, this is going to be an assured victory... just like Sailor Moon's victory over either Puchiko or Haruhara Haruko at our final Pay-Per-View to retain the Full Moon Title is assured.  The final four episodes of Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling are a sure thing, girls.  Don't screw it up.

Sailor Moon, Mercury, Venus, Mars and Jupiter all salute as Princess Ayeka gives out one of her trademark cackles.  The camera zooms in on the Full Moon Title before fading to the ring area.  Rock music, pyro and applause explode out.

Konata: The whole landscape of Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling changed last week at Ignition, our final Supershow.  Lina Inverse won the tournament, but the Heart of Japan has been completely deactivated, meaning it's useless now.  The Full Moon Title, which Ayeka just handed to Sailor Moon, is now the main title.  And that makes me absolutely sick.  Hopefully whoever wins the #1 Contenders match, be it Puchiko who earned it or Haruhara Haruko who challenged her for it, gives Sailor Moon what for.  Just like I hope the former Heart of Japan champions destroy the Inner Senshi tonight.  Yeah, I'm not even trying to be impartial anymore.  Why bother?  Oh, almost forgot, we're coming to you live from the Rising Sunshine arena deep in the heart of Florida.

The Hardcore Champion, Melfina, makes her entrance, smiling and shaking hands with the fans.  As she makes her way into the ring, she tosses her belt out to a member of the ring crew on the outside.  Utena Tenjou makes her entrance afterwards, Anthy Himemiya following faithfully following behind her.  Utena and Melfina shake hands as they stare each other down.

Konata: At least last week was a good week for Melfina.  After being on the shelf for months, she came back at Ignition and won the Hardcore Title from Sister Rosette Christopher.  Utena Tenjou won a shot at the Hardcore Title in that Ultimate X match two weeks ago at Strictly Hardcore, and this is her last opportunity to cash it in.  And from what I've been told, since both women use submission moves as their finishers, this one is gonna be a Hardcore Submission Match.  And it's gonna be extra dangerous because in a Hardcore match, there's no rope breaks or illegal holds!

---

Both Utena and Melfina lifted up their hands and clasped them against each other's in a traditional opening lock-up position.  After twisting around a bit, Melfina let go and wrapped one arm around the back of Utena's neck with a basic standing Headlock.  Utena shoved Melfina off, however, forcing her to run against the ropes.  On the rebound, Utena dropped to her side on the mat and extended her legs out, tripping Melfina and sending her face-first into the mat with a Drop Toe Hold.  Immediately following up, Utena stood up, grabbed one of Melfina's ankles, lifted it up and started twisting it hard, wrenching her ankle with a basic Ankle Lock.

Melfina twisted and squirmed around, and eventually forced Utena to break the hold.  Mel slowly got to her feet, and ducked a kick from Utena.  Sliding behind Utena, Melfina elbowed her in the side, forcing her to bend to the side as Mel wrapped her arms around Utena's chest, trapping Utena's arm behind Melfina's body, and pulled down, wrenching Utena's side and torso with an Abdominal Stretch.  Melfina wrenched Utena for a while as Anthy tried to rally Utena up on the outside.  Melfina finally let go, shoving Utena to the mat, landing on her back.

Melfina stood up, standing in between Utena's legs.  She reached down and grabbed Utena's legs, crossing them around one of her own legs.  She turned around, shifting Utena onto her stomach as she held onto Utena's feet, wrenching her crossed legs back with the devastating submission finisher, the Galactic Leyline, a finisher that always shot sharply.  Utena screamed in pain as she tried to wiggle out of the hold, but Melfina had it locked in tightly.  That's when a terrified Anthy acted... reaching underneath the ring, Anthy pulled out a steel chair, ran into the ring, and smashed the chair over Melfina's head, denting the chair and knocking Melfina out cold!

As this was a Hardcore match, the referee couldn't do anything about this as Anthy rolled right back out of the ring as if nothing had happened.  Utena slowly got to her unsteady legs, looking down at an unconscious Melfina... from her position in the Galactic Leyline, Utena had absolutely no vantage point on what happened.  Taking advantage of whatever had happened, Utena pulled Melfina by her legs over to the turnbuckle, and arranged her legs so that one was sticking straight out, and one was crossed over it, like the number '4'.  Utena slid onto the ring apron, and stood behind one of the turnbuckles, carefully balancing herself for a very tricky maneuver.

Utena slid her legs underneath the bottom rope, one on either side of the pole.  She placed one leg in the 'hole' made by Melfina's crossed legs and the other on top of the foot on the crossed leg.  She quickly flopped backwards, dangling upside-down outside the ring only by their crossed legs... putting all of her bodyweight on Melfina's legs, as well as the pressure from the steel turnbuckle, with a Hardcore version of her Duelist Lock finisher!  The pain was intense, so intense that it woke Melfina up in agony, the young Outlaw Star screaming in unbearable pain as she was forced to tap out, continuing the Hardcore Curse, and garnering Utena her first title run... albeit with help from Anthy.

---

Konata: Of all people who would cheat to win, I thought Utena Tenjou had more honor than that.

The referee helps untangle both women's legs, and Utena falls to the ground outside as Melfina cries in pain.  Anthy runs over and helps Utena to her feet, handing her the Hardcore title.  Utena raises it in victory, apparently unaware of what had just happened.  The camera cuts to one of the locker rooms, where the former Heart of Japan champions... Asuka Langley Soryu, Lina Inverse, Osaka, Ryoko Habuki, Sailor Saturn... are all standing around, taking careful stock of each other.  Lina holds the defunct Heart of Japan over her shoulder.

Lina: Yeah, look.  I know that all of us have had wars with each other in the past.  But all of us can admit that things have gotten really weird lately.  I wanted to just have one last chat to make sure everyone is on the same page.

Ryoko: The same page?  Only if that page involves kicking Princess Ayeka's bitch ass all over Florida.

Lina: It could, potentially.  But I mean deactivating the Heart of Japan title, something all you girls helped to build up, and Lain helped build up, into the most important title in women's wrestling just so that Sailor Moon can be guaranteed a spot in the main event of our final show in three weeks, she's essentially thrown out the history of this company.  So I say we all make history tonight, and every night until this place closes down for good.  And it starts by flattening the Inner Senshi tonight.  You with me?

Saturn: I... don't know what's happened to Usagi.  She never used to be like this before.  She even sacrificed herself months ago to make things right, and now...

Ryoko: And now she's the damn problem.  Regardless of your history with her, she's gotta go down.  You're not gonna flake out now, are you?

Asuka: It doesn't matter... nothing any of us do matters.  Nothing at all.  We're all going to die.  Nobody's going to care.  We're as good as forgotten.

Osaka: I can't believe that.  We've all just gotta be like Osaka.  Um, I don't mean like me, but I mean we've gotta be like the people of Osaka.  We've gotta work hard.  I'm sure good things are gonna happen if we just keep doing what we do, right?

Asuka: That's what I've always hated about you, Osaka... that disgustingly cheery outlook on life.

Lina: Hey!  The outlook's pretty grim for all of us right now, right?  But when the end is near, and the outlook is at its blackest, that's when a hero's gotta dig down deep, right?  We'll deal with Sailor Moon and Ayeka; we'll find a way to deal with this new armageddon cult that's popped up; we'll show the world what the true Heart of Japan is.  This is gonna be our last stand.  Now, let's talk strategy... okay?

Lina Inverse extends her hand.  Osaka vigorously shakes it.  Sailor Saturn looks nervous, but still shakes Lina's hand.  Ryoko doesn't shake Lina's hand, but does nod to her.  Asuka Langley Soryu merely walks off.  The camera slowly fades to the ring area, where Haruhara Haruko is making her entrance, without her trademark Vespa.  Puchiko, one-half of the Tag Team Champions, flanked by her partner Dejiko, also makes her entrance, rolling into the ring as Dejiko cheers her on from the outside.

Konata: Even though the Heart of Japan is officially deactivated and useless, it's still got more prestige than the Full Moon Title.  But a clarification for this next match... when Eva Heinemann wrote out the contract for the #1 Contendership, she didn't write out that it was for the Heart of Japan, she wrote it for "The main title", and according to clarification, that does mean the Full Moon Title now.  So the winner will go on to face Sailor Moon at our final Pay-Per-View in three weeks.  Puchiko puts her #1 Contendership and her undefeated streak on the line against Haruhara Haruko!

---

As usual, Haruhara Haruko was the aggressor in the beginning, starting off by kicking Puchiko right in the face!  Puchiko flopped right to the mat as Haruko laughed and cackled loudly.  She turned away from the downed Puchiko and taunted the crowd, giving Puchiko just enough time to get back to her feet.  Puchiko hurriedly ran up to Haruko and wrapped one arm around the back of her neck.  She suddenly leapt up, leaping onto the second rope, and ran across the turnbuckle and onto the next section of rope before leaping forward, pulling Haruko and slamming her face into the mat with a Springboard Bulldog.

Not wanting to lose the momentum, with her best friend Dejiko cheering her on, Puchiko delivered a couple of kicks to Haruko's ribs before toddling over to the turnbuckle, climbing up on it.  She leapt backwards in the air, spinning back in a Moonsault attack.  The bad news was that Haruko rolled out of the way and got to her feet, but the good news was that Puchiko landed on her feet on the mat.  Unfortunately this put her face-to-face with Haruko, who flattened Puchiko again with Headbutt.

The devious Haruko quickly yanked Puchiko to her feet, pulling her up by her hair as she ran towards the turnbuckle.  She slammed Puchiko's face into the soft turnbuckle pad.  She let go of Puchiko and started to undo the pad, wanting to expose the brass ring underneath, but the referee got in her way and told her that tearing up the ring intentionally was illegal.  This gave Puchiko just enough time to recover, and as Haruko turned to face her, Puchiko ran forward, did a forward cartwheel and slammed an elbow into Haruko's face.  This stunned Haruko, forcing her to stagger forward a few steps and grab her face.  Puchiko took advantage and quickly leapt onto the turnbuckle.  As soon as Haruko turned to face her, Puchiko leapt off and in midair, wrapped one arm around the back of Haruko's neck.  She spun around and fell backwards, slamming Haruko's face into the mat with a high-flying Tornado DDT!

Wanting to follow up, Puchiko grabbed Haruko by the hair and tried to pull her up, but Haruko instead grabbed Puchiko by the hair and violently slammed her knee into her face three times in a row, sending her reeling to the mat.  As Puchiko held her face, Haruko once again went to the turnbuckle, trying to rip off the turnbuckle pad.  Again the referee threatened to disqualify her, but Haruko blew her off, removing the padding from the top turnbuckle and exposing the brass ring underneath that held the ring rope in place while turning it at a 90 degree angle.  Dejiko immediately leapt onto the apron, screaming and hollering insults at Haruko.  The referee quickly ran over to her, turning away from the match itself to admonish Dejiko for trying to interfere.  As the referee was distracted by Dejiko, Puchiko ran forward, leaping up and nailing Haruko in the back with a Body Splash.  The attack sent Haruko flying forward, slamming her face right into the exposed brass ring!

Haruko's forehead was bleeding profusely now from the contact with the exposed ring, and she staggered around a bit before falling forward, falling so that her upper body was hung up on the second rope.  Taking the cue, Puchiko immediately ran over, bounced off of the far ropes, and jumped forward.  She grabbed onto the top rope and swung her legs between the middle and top rope, swinging around and slamming her legs right into Haruko's face with the Puchiko Twist, sending her flat to the mat.

As Dejiko backed off, leaping back to the outside, the referee turned back to the match.  Puchiko leapt onto the top turnbuckle and looked down, seemingly confused about what to do... this was usually the point where Dejiko hit the Dejiko Moonsault, so Puchiko wasn't sure how to put this one away on her own.  A thought came to her, and before Haruko could get up, Puchiko leapt in the air, bending one arm at the elbow.  She flew through the air and landed on Haruko, driving her elbow right into Haruko with a Top Rope Elbow Drop, a bit of a tribute to a fallen hero of wrestling.  She landed right on top of Haruko, so after driving the elbow down, she easily got the three-count pinfall and retained not only #1 Contendership of the Full Moon Title, but also her undefeated streak.

---

Konata: I'd complain about using the exposed turnbuckle ring, but Haruko was the one who exposed it.  Puchiko gets the victory in a very macho fashion.

The referee re-attaches the padding on the turnbuckle as Dejiko rolls into the ring, holding the Tag Team titles.  She hands one to Puchiko, and the two start dancing and partying down in the ring.  Haruko rolls out, furious, and leaves through the crowd.  Di Gi Charat get their groove on for a little while, until two figures emerge from the entrance curtain, both holding microphones... Rabi-En-Rose and Piyoko.

Konata: The two former members of Di Gi Charat can't be happy that Dejiko and Puchiko still hold the Tag Team Titles.

Rabi-En-Rose: Well, congratulations, Dejiko and Puchiko.  You two have certainly been doing very well for yourselves.  But you know you wouldn't be where you are if it wasn't for us.  So we've come to collect.  Unceremoniously booting us out of Di Gi Charat was a big mistake, and next week, you're going to pay for it big time.  Nobody disgraces the world-famous idol girl Rabi-En-Rose and gets away with it!

Piyoko: That's right, pyo!  'Big sister' is gonna get it right in the face, pyo!  The final ever title defense on free television is gonna be you two giving us the title shot we deserve, pyo!  Because while Dejiko is princess of planet Di Gi Charat, Piyoko is princess of Planet Analogue, pyo!  And the war between our two planets is gonna come to an end when Piyoko and Rabi-En-Rose leave you crying and covered in your own boogers, pyo!  We're gonna take those Tag Team Titles, and... where are you going, pyo?

Apparently, Dejiko and Puchiko had gotten bored with the speech, and the two roll out of the ring, walking off and disappearing into the crowd.  Piyoko and Rabi-En-Rose throw down their microphones in disgust and walk off.  The camera cuts to Ukyo's office/okonomiyaki parlor.  Ayeka and Sailor Moon both look down at Ukyo Kuonji... who's lying in a pool of her own blood.

Konata: Oh my God...

Ayeka: In case we didn't make this clear enough... your services as General Manager of Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling are no longer required.  From now on, nobody stops me from achieving what I want... not you, not that bitch Ryoko, not that retard Osaka, not that jerk Lina Inverse, nobody.  After long last, it's finally my time... I mean, our time.  Right, Usagi?

Ayeka cackles madly as Sailor Moon stands there, staring blankly.  The camera zooms in on the Full Moon Title in her hand, stained with blood, as the camera cuts to a break.
Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling

Episode 23: A Sure Thing!
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