EBW Episode 23, Part 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters or series.

Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling: Episode twenty-three.   A Sure Thing!

The camera fades in to the loading dock, where Hardcore Champion Utena Tenjou and the Rose Bride Anthy Himemiya stand.  Utena doesn't seem happy, and Anthy has that saccharine smile plastered on.

Konata: Welcome back to EBW, we'll try to get you an update on Ukyo Kuonji's condition soon...

Utena: So you're telling me that you essentially cheated to get me the Hardcore Title?

Anthy: It's not cheating, Miss Utena.  I'm bound as the Rose Bride to do whatever you wish.  There are no rules in a Hardcore match, so it's impossible to cheat.

Utena: But... if I win this title with outside assistance, it's meaningless.  You understand that, don't you?

Anthy: I understand whatever you want me to understand, Miss Utena.

Utena sighs, looking down at the Hardcore Title in her hands.  The camera fades to the ring area, where the Full Moon champion, Sailor Moon, emerges.  The rest of the Inner Senshi follow her down the entrance ramp.  The five roll into the ring, and Sailor Moon raises her Full Moon title in the air.

Konata: Well... maybe Utena didn't know what was going on.  She was locked in that hold, after all.  But I guess this means the only honorable title left is the Tag Team titles?  It's kinda early, but we expect tonight's main event to go long.  The Inner Senshi take on all the former Heart of Japan champions... and Lina Inverse, who's subbing for an injured Lain Iwakura.  I just wanna bring up again that none of any of these Inner Senshi have ever won a single, solitary match in EBW, and have 11 losses between them, but Sailor Moon is the champion with a custom belt and title.  Just saying.

The five fighting in defiance of the Inner Senshi run out to the ring, rolling in and starting a huge brawl.

---

After letting the brawl go for a couple minutes, the referee forcefully breaks the two sides up, and randomly selects Sailor Mercury and Asuka Langley Soryu to start the match.  A furious and psychotic Asuka started out with a series of punches, rocking the smallest member of the Inner Senshi.  The series of punches was so brutal; the referee almost broke it up before Asuka flattened Mercury with an elbow to the face.  Asuka violently kicked Mercury in the ribs a few times before grabbing her by the hair and yanking her to her feet.  Mercury tried to get out of the grip, but Asuka violently doubled her over with a knee to the gut.  Asuka thrusted both arms upwards between Mercury's torso and each of her arms, sliding Mercury's head under her armpit and lacing both of her fingers behind Mercury's back.  She pulled backwards, falling back and driving Mercury's skull into the mat with the ALS DDT.

Asuka could have tried to go for the pin, but the rest of the Inner Senshi were fresh enough to run in and break it up, so Asuka reluctantly tagged in Sailor Saturn.  Saturn stood back as Mercury slowly and groggily got to her feet, running over to her corner and tagging in Sailor Jupiter, the largest of the Inner Senshi.  Jupiter stared her former comrade down before Saturn laid into her with a couple of side kicks, sending Jupiter to her knees.  Saturn hurriedly ran against the far ropes, rebounded, and leapt into the air, spinning and driving a knee into Jupiter's face and sending her to the mat with a Shining Wizard.  Saturn hurriedly ran to one of the turnbuckles, leapt to the top, and took a deep breath.  She leapt in the air, somersaulting backwards and tucking her knees to her chest.  She untucked them right as she slammed into Jupiter, flattening her with the Shooting Saturn Press.

Saturn slowly got to her feet, walking over to her corner and tagging in her friend Osaka.  The two shared a hug, making up for their past animosity as Jupiter slowly staggered over to her corner and tagged in Sailor Venus.  The former Sailor V ran over to Osaka, but was stopped by a kick to the gut, doubling her over.  Osaka grabbed her by her waist and pulled, sitting down and lifting Venus so that her head was in between Osaka's legs and was drilled into the mat with a classic Piledriver.  As Venus was down, Osaka popped into the air and sat down, dropping her leg across Venus' throat with a Leg Drop.  Osaka ran across the ring, turning around and facing Venus as she crouched down like a coiled spring.  As soon as Venus was on her feet, Osaka leapt forward, arms outstretched and shooting forward like a torpedo.  She nailed Venus right in the midsection with the Sata Andagi Spear.

Osaka got up, running over to her corner and tagging in Ryoko.  Ryoko reluctantly waited as Venus got up and ran over to her corner, tagging in Sailor Mars for a bit of a rematch from Love & Justice.  Mars leapt forward with a martial arts kick, but Ryoko grabbed her foot and yanked it, forcing her to the ground on her back.  Ryoko immediately mounted Mars' torso and began delivering a devastating series of unguarded punches, each one nailing Mars right in the face with a Ground & Pound technique.  The referee forced Ryoko to let go of the illegal hold, and Ryoko reluctantly complied, standing up as a bloody Sailor Mars slowly got to her feet.  She didn't have any time to react, however, as Ryoko punched her in the stomach, doubling her over.  She turned away, wrapping one arm around the back of Sailor Mars' neck, and quickly sat down, jacking Mars' jaw against her shoulder with the Pirate Bitch Stunner.

Ryoko wanted to put this one away, but there was one Senshi left.  She tagged in Lina Inverse, and the Bandit Killer waited with baited breath as Mars slowly woke up, staggered to her corner and tagged in Sailor Moon, the Full Moon champion.  Lina's partners leapt off of the ring apron and to the ground outside as Lina sized up Sailor Moon.  Usagi leapt forward, thrusting one leg out with a superkick, her Sweet Moon Music finisher.  Lina ducked under the superkick, wrapped her arms around Usagi's waist from behind, lifted up and bent backwards, slamming Moon's spine into the mat with a German Suplex.  She didn't let go, however, as she rolled over, got to her feet, and delivered a second one.  And again, she didn't let go, standing up again and leaning back, drilling Usagi a third time with a Triple German Suplex.  The rest of the Inner Senshi were about to run in and interfere to help them, but Asuka, Osaka, Ryoko and Saturn all yanked them off of the ring apron, starting a massive eight-woman brawl on the outside.  This left Sailor Moon alone to get to her feet, and she was immediately met with Lina leaping into the air, setting her body perfectly horizontal, and jutting out both feet with the Dragon Slave Dropkick, cracking Moon right in the face and sending her flopping to the mat.  With Usagi alone in the ring, Lina Inverse rolled over on top of her and got the victory for her and her team.

---

Konata: Now the Inner Senshi have 16 losses amongst them, no wins, and Sailor Moon is still champion.  At least they snapped Asuka's insane losing streak.

The rest of the Inner Senshi are thoroughly clobbered on the outside, as Asuka Langley Soryu, Ayumu "Osaka" Kasuga, "Sailor Saturn" Hotaru Tomoe and Ryoko Habuki all roll into the ring, celebrating with Lina Inverse as Sailor Moon rolls out of the ring, laying amongst her battered comrades outside.  That celebration is immediately cut off as a furious Princess Ayeka emerges, microphone in hand, from the entrance curtain.

Ayeka: How the hell could you defeat such a powerful and legendary force as the Inner Senshi?  No matter.  The title match for our final Pay-Per-View, aptly dubbed the "EBW Forever", is set in stone.  And since none of the five of you are in it, there's no real reason I need to keep a bunch of disgusting outlaws like you around.  By my power as owner of Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling, the five of you are officially...

The microphone goes out, cutting Ayeka off.  She looks down in surprise, then frustration as she tosses the microphone away.  She starts to move, but is stopped cold as someone emerges from the entrance curtain, holding her own functioning microphone... the lunar-busted Haruka Gracia.  She grins as she walks over to Ayeka, her titanic breasts mere inches from a stunned Ayeka's face.

Konata: It's Haruka Gracia... she was the interim owner during EBW Gaiden.  What's she doing here?

Haruka: It's great to be back, and great to be America, where a bust size like mine isn't as obscure.  Princess Ayeka, as you're well aware, it's almost impossible under the laws of Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling to undo what a previous owner has done, correct?  Hence why you and Eva Heinemann had to deal with what each other had set down before the changing of the guard.  Well, all I can say is that you've certainly left me a fine mess to deal with.  That includes that little Singularity thing you've got planned.  But I'm sure I'll be able to deal with it.  I've done more with less.

With a grin, Gracia reaches in between her breasts, pulling out a letter.  She hands the letter to Ayeka, and the princess opens it up, reading in shock as the five 'outlaws' in the ring look on.  A member of the ring crew rolls five microphones into the ring and each of them pick up one as they watch in confusion.

Haruka: You see... no other an authority than Those Who Decide Such Things, the three figures who truly own Extreme Bishoujo Wrestling, have unanimously decided that this horrific power trip that you've been on needs to stop.  So in their power, unparalleled in EBW, you have officially been fired as owner of EBW... and I will be your replacement.

Konata: Wow!  The ultimate power play!  And since Ayeka fired Ukyo, Gracia's power is absolute.

Haruka: And while I won't be able to stop this 'Singularity' you've set in motion, I'll... well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.  I'd rather get to "EBW Forever", the final Pay-Per-View in three weeks.  The only match that's been signed is your precious Sailor Moon defending this Full Moon title against Puchiko.  But one match isn't going to make a show, especially when the champion got her title through bribery and corruption.  So to the five you of you in the ring, the ones who have defeated the Inner Senshi, I'm going to take your ideas under advisement... because not only do I plan on giving EBW back to the fans, but back to the wrestlers themselves.  So... who would you girls like to fight?  Lina, since you're the one who actually got the pinfall, let's start with...

Suddenly, Haruka Gracia herself is interrupted, a stunned Ayeka still standing beside her, as Di Gi Charat's theme hits.  Puchiko, one half of the Tag Team Champions, toddles out of the entrance curtain, waving hello to Haruka before making her way down the entrance ramp.  Puchiko holds a microphone in one hand and a slip of paper in the other.  She rolls into the ring, looks up at Lina Inverse, and hands her the slip of paper.  Osaka, Ryoko, Asuka and Saturn, all holding mics like Lina and Puchiko, watch silently as Lina reads the slip of paper.  Her eyes go wide, turning to stare at Puchiko.

Lina: What... this is... this is your contract for a shot at the Full Moon title!  Are you giving me this?

Puchiko: You deserve it, nyu.  You won that tournament last week, and you just pinned the champion, nyu.  I don't think I'm strong enough to beat Sailor Moon on my own, but I know you are, nyu.  Besides, I'm only really here because I wanna have fun with my buddy Dejiko, nyu.  Good luck, nyu.

Lina drops her mic and stares flabbergasted at Puchiko as the tiny half of the Tag Team Champions leaves her mic and rolls out of the ring.  She toddles up the ramp, but before she can get to the entrance curtain, Dejiko emerges, her eyes full of tears.  The two share a big hug, and even Haruka has a tear in her eye, as Di Gi Charat pose once for the crowd and leave through the entrance curtain as Lina applauds.

Konata: You want to talk about a hero... that's a hero right there.  She gave up her fairly-earned shot at the main event of EBW Forever because she wants to fight alongside her best friend.

Haruka: That's beautiful... but time's running short, we must move on.  Osaka, let's go to you next.

Osaka: Hm... well, let's see... gee... there's a whole lot of options, aren't there?  Maybe I could go for the Hardcore Title or the Tag Team Titles... or maybe I could even fight Princess Ayeka... but you know what?  I kinda think I'd like to wrestle Ryoko Habuki!

Ryoko glares in shock at Osaka, who turns to face her with a big smile.

Osaka: Ya see, you and me have only fought once in the history of EBW, and I only won that match because of a count-out thanks to Princess Ayeka.  And since then, we've both done really, really good stuff.  We're both former Heart of Japan champions, we're both main-eventers, and you could kind of say the two of us are the biggest names in EBW.  So I'd like to wrestle you, because I think it'd be great to have a big match where it's not about big feuds or titles or lying and hurting people.  It's just two people everyone loves to watch seeing who's the best.  Right?

Ryoko stares at Osaka, who seems to get a bit nervous.  Ryoko slowly makes her way over to Osaka, and both of them drop their microphones as Ryoko reaches out to shake Osaka's hand.  The two shake hands vigorously, but Ryoko refuses to let go of the handshake.  Suddenly, Ryoko kicks Osaka in the gut, doubling her over.  Ryoko turns to face away for the Pirate Bitch Stunner, but Osaka shoves her off, and makes her rebound off the far ropes as Osaka crouches down and back.  Osaka leaps forward with the Sata Andagi Spear, but Ryoko grabs the ropes to stop from rebounding, and Osaka lands about an inch away from Ryoko.  The two stand back up and stare each other down.

Konata: Holy crap!  That's gonna be one heck of a match at EBW Forever... Ryoko and Osaka, one-on-one!

Haruka: A phenomenal idea, Osaka.  In fact, that sounds like an even better main event for EBW Forever than Lina Inverse squashing Sailor Moon for a fake title.  So I'm officially making Osaka vs. Ryoko the main event of EBW Forever... no offense, Lina.

Lina shrugs her shoulders as Osaka and Ryoko legitimately shake hands this time.  The collective Inner Senshi are still lying on the outside, all thoroughly beaten and battered.  Osaka, Ryoko and Lina all roll out of the ring, stepping over the Inner Senshi as they leave up the ramp and through the entrance curtain, each one shaking hands with Haruka Gracia on the way out, leaving Asuka and Saturn in the ring, each holding a mic.

Saturn: Miss Gracia, if I may... while this is all well and good, I feel like we're all forgetting something.  Hell Correspondence America, the group that said they're going to end the world during our final Pay-Per-View.  Whatever horrible plans they may have, I'd like to help put a stop to them.  Although I'd like to have my old friends in the Outer Senshi assist me... they left me alone... so I'd like to assemble a new team.  With your permission, I'd like to face the Hell Correspondence America at...

Suddenly, Asuka drops her microphone and grabs Saturn by the shoulder, spinning her around and making her drop her microphone.  Asuka kicks Saturn in the stomach, doubling her over.  She locks her arms and Saturn's head in position and falls back, drilling Sailor Saturn with the ALS DDT.

Konata: What's the meaning of this?!

Asuka glares down at Sailor Saturn, picking one of the mics up.

Asuka: This world is cold and merciless, and it sends all those who care about it to Hell.  I'm thoroughly convinced that, after all the angels I've helped kill, all the lives I've helped ruin that I'm destined to burn in Hell myself.  So if I've got to suffer, if I'm going to burn in Hell... then I might as well take the world with me.  We're all going to burn, Saturn... you especially for what you did to me at Session 13.  You're going to have a ringside seat as the world is consumed by flame, as bodies are hurled from their graves, as rolling earthquakes decimate the world one time zone at a time.  And in the end, in the inky darkness of the pit of Hell all souls will be thrust into... I'll find you again.  I'll walk across Hell and I'll keep on beating you and beating you and beating you.  Because as we both roast in Hell, you'll never forget what you stole from me.  Nobody outdoes Asuka Langley Soryu.  Nobody!

The light shut off for a few seconds, and when they come back on, to everyone's shock, Hell Girl and Panty & Stocking are standing in the ring alongside Asuka.  Osaka, Lina and Ryoko hurriedly re-enter and roll into the ring, brawling with Hell Correspondence America.  The four-on-three assault doesn't seem to be working for the interlopers... until the Devil Lady emerges from the crowd.  The massive beast gives a demonic scream as she launches at Ai Enma, but the Hell Girl gets out of the ring, Asuka and the Anarchy Sisters standing beside her.  Osaka, Ryoko and Lain look on as the Devil Lady carries Sailor Saturn out of the ring, gently taking her in her powerful arms and starts carrying her up the entrance ramp.  The Inner Senshi have finally gotten up, and watch from the outside, standing next to Hell Correspondence America.

Konata: This is gonna be one hell of a fight.  The last stand starts in three weeks... Saturn takes on Hell Correspondence America, Lina Inverse takes on Sailor Moon for the Full Moon Title, and Ryoko takes on Osaka in one hell of a main event!  What a way to ride off into the sunset!  This is Konata Izumi, signing...

As Haruka Gracia watches in shock on the entrance stage, Ayeka hurriedly takes the microphone, and begins speaking as fast as she can.

Ayeka: My final decree as owner of EBW is that the match stipulation for the Full Moon title match will be a Handicap match, between Lina Inverse and the entire Inner Senshi!

Haruka snatches the microphone back a second too late and Lina's jaw drops to the floor as the Inner Senshi roll into the ring, initiating the beatdown.  Osaka and Ryoko attempt to help her out, but the numbers are against them.  Devil Lady looks on from the entrance ramp, holding an unconscious Sailor Saturn.  Osaka and Ryoko help get Lina out of the ring, and the three look at the Inner Senshi, including Sailor Moon, holding her Full Moon Title.  Hell Correspondence America watches from the other side of the outer ring area, glaring up at the Devil Lady as the show fades out.